The Truth About Forever

"We both know life is too short. Too short to waste a single second with anyone who doesn't appreciate and value you."

- The Truth About Forever

Lose Someone

"I think sometimes you have to lose someone completely before you can figure out what they really mean to you."

- Dawson's Creek

You wanna know what the truth is?

"You wanna know what the truth is? I still love you, and I probably will love you for a very long time. But I just can’t be your buddy. As much as I enjoy the concept of being “just friends,” in reality - it's a bizarre form of torture, and I'm just not willing to participate. So right now - what I want to do is just move and get over you and the only way for me to do that is to not be around you anymore."

-Dawson's Creek

Shit inside of your heart

Here's the difference, to me, between boys and girls: boys fuck things up; girls are fucked up. That's the difference. Boys just do damage to your house that you can measure in dollars, like a hurricane. Girls, like, leave scars in your psyche that you find later, like a genocide or an atrocity… That's the difference between boys and girls. And it becomes the difference between men and women, really. A man will, like, steal your car or burn your house down or beat the shit out of you, but a woman will ruin your fuckin' life. Do you see the difference? Like, a man will cut your arm off and throw it in a river, but he'll leave you intact as a human being. He won't fuck with who you are. Women are nonviolent, but they will shit inside of your heart.
— Louis C.K.

The Mystery of Borderline Personality Disorder

If she doesn't suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, then she's a borderline BPD case.

Borderline patients seem to have no internal governor; they are capable of deep love and profound rage almost simultaneously. They are powerfully connected to the people close to them and terrified by the possibility of losing them — yet attack those people so unexpectedly that they often ensure the very abandonment they fear. When they want to hold, they claw instead.

What defines borderline personality disorder — and makes it so explosive — is the sufferers' inability to calibrate their feelings and behavior. When faced with an event that makes them depressed or angry, they often become inconsolable or enraged. Such problems may be exacerbated by impulsive behaviors: overeating or substance abuse; suicide attempts; intentional self-injury.

Happy New Year

I see that you are happy, and please believe that i am so very pleased that you are and do not want to intrude. We have not communicated in so very long and i thought time would steel my heart and wash away the pain, sadly i wake every morning with you in my mind. I want you to know that i am so very sorry that i let my fear rule my actions and all that befell us. I have never regretted something so deeply as i regret losing you the way i did and for all the pain i caused you. I hope that one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I miss you truly and i truly wish you great happiness.
Happy New Year.
t

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She also attempted to add me on IM and sent a yellow rose via Facebook.

That's it? That's all you have? All I'm worth? A paragraph and a fake flower? How do you know if I'm happy? Some photos on Flickr? I'm smiling? There's a woman hugging me? You have no clue. You still don't fully understand how horrible and damaging you were. It's been just a few months. I'm doing what I can, trying the pretend you're happy until you are method. But I think about you throughout each day. I think about what should have been. Then the pain that you seared into my brain creeps in. That will always, for the rest of my life, be with me. And you etched that pain on to my soul on purpose. It is devastating, and I almost find hatred, when I know we should have made it, should have been an us, should be together right this moment, and your actions, your words, destroyed our chance. How can I ever have you part of my life again? Forgiveness is my power, my right. I've considered forgiving you, but not for you, not to find a way back to you, but as a way to release you further out of me. I contemplate if I could one day make foggy the memories of the pain you caused me, just enough so I could sit with you, look into your beautiful eyes, hold your hands in mine, and I know that I'm the one person on this planet that could do that for you. But I fucking hate you. I. Hate. You.

I love you.