Happy New Year

I see that you are happy, and please believe that i am so very pleased that you are and do not want to intrude. We have not communicated in so very long and i thought time would steel my heart and wash away the pain, sadly i wake every morning with you in my mind. I want you to know that i am so very sorry that i let my fear rule my actions and all that befell us. I have never regretted something so deeply as i regret losing you the way i did and for all the pain i caused you. I hope that one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I miss you truly and i truly wish you great happiness.
Happy New Year.
t

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She also attempted to add me on IM and sent a yellow rose via Facebook.

That's it? That's all you have? All I'm worth? A paragraph and a fake flower? How do you know if I'm happy? Some photos on Flickr? I'm smiling? There's a woman hugging me? You have no clue. You still don't fully understand how horrible and damaging you were. It's been just a few months. I'm doing what I can, trying the pretend you're happy until you are method. But I think about you throughout each day. I think about what should have been. Then the pain that you seared into my brain creeps in. That will always, for the rest of my life, be with me. And you etched that pain on to my soul on purpose. It is devastating, and I almost find hatred, when I know we should have made it, should have been an us, should be together right this moment, and your actions, your words, destroyed our chance. How can I ever have you part of my life again? Forgiveness is my power, my right. I've considered forgiving you, but not for you, not to find a way back to you, but as a way to release you further out of me. I contemplate if I could one day make foggy the memories of the pain you caused me, just enough so I could sit with you, look into your beautiful eyes, hold your hands in mine, and I know that I'm the one person on this planet that could do that for you. But I fucking hate you. I. Hate. You.

I love you.