I am so sorry you are hurting! i know that if it were the other way around i would be going crazy. I am not "with" someone else, please understand that. I would never do that to hurt you, ever! I needed physical comfort. You are right i did it because i needed to feel something, anything. I needed to feel like a women again, i needed to feel like i was attractive, desirable, wanted. Ever since our split, i had fallen in to a great and deep depression, thinking i could not live without you that i was nothing without a man to define me. I realized that no one ever looked at me twice anymore or flirted with me (not that i am around lots of men--all girls school). I felt like i had been alone for so very long, that i was damaged, that no one would ever ever want me again. Then one day i realized that i can sustain myself that i can be alone, that i was not dead and amazing things happened...i made friends, i found that i did not need to run back to the safety of FL, that i have truly changed, grown, that i had started a proses that this is both painful but needed. I started to see that what i need right now is to find out who the hell i am and what the hell i need from myself and others. "Someone" else happened to be there at the right time for me...i just happened. But this is irrelevant, not impotent. I know that you cannot see or feel that and i know that it seems easy for me to say but i hope that you can put it out of your mind.
I must go, i have so very much to do.
Please feel free to call or email...i will listen (when i can).
I love you too,
t.
A Thousand Healing Hands
14 years ago
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